20 and have NO EX TURN TO " NEVER LET GUY INTO MY LIFE"

20?
Single?
have zero experience on dating someone?
having no ex for my entire life so far?

Ya, that's me.
The reason why I'm typing right now is because I felt so lonely for no rational reason. Haha. Funny.
Here is the deal I mean the story.

I have been single for my whole life, I have never been dating anyone since I was born 'till now.
I am fine with that and I'm pretty proud of myself for saving myself for the right one which is my future husband.

The question is why am I single?
Am I not pretty enough ? no one like me? Am I that bad?
Ya I don't think so, because this past years I mean it's started when kids starting have feelings towards  opposite  gender until now I have been rejecting people who try to have a relationship with me. I feel gross right now. I am not that kind of person who likes to talk about this kind of topic, but today I need someone to hear me out and since I am home right now, not in my college that's mean I have no friends to talk to. You guys know that I won't contact my friends when I'm home. It's just me. So that's the WHY I'm blogging this topic to you guys. So hear me out. GIVE ME SOME ATTENTION!


THE FIRST PART OF THIS ENTRY WHICH IS EVERYTHING THAT YOU READ JUST NOW IS BEFORE IT'S TURN TO SECOND PART ( NEVER LET GUY INTO MY LIFE ) PART.

I planed to let you guys know what am I have done due to being single for my whole life so far but now its turn to WHAT GUYS DO TO ME THAT MAKES ME liddis.

* So here's the deal. When I was younger (standard 3 or 4 I think) there is one guy that says he likes me and my 10 years old-self try to give him a chance to know me. We exchange letters, he gave me present (bracelet), he let my brother know the he and me have something going on and whatsoever. After all that stuff happened I thought he really likes me. Then I move forward day by day, trying to go with the flow and bammmm! I got a news. A BAD NEWS. one of his neighbour which is someone that know him better said to me that he was just trying to play me. you know what I mean. He just trying to fool me and IT'S BREAK MY TRUST TOWARDS ANY GUY EVER SINCE. and that's what make me (ME NOW) Feminist, anti guys-who-likes-me, and avoid any guys who trying to know me. put the HIGHEST WALL between me and the guy who likes me. Not giving any chances to 'em.

Then 2018, I opened a bit of my heart , break half of the HIGHEST WALL by giving the guy who likes me a chance to know me better ( but in the cold way) but still giving chances. through out the year, I have experienced a few of guy who trying to approach me but it does not stays long.. its maybe due to my attitude towards guy, maybe. I don't care. It's just me. If you can't stand me then don't do me. do someone else, someone who is more appropriate, more soft-spoken, sweet talker, who can layan you guys punya so called caring conversation *my mouth going to explode* "buat apa? dah makan? sihat?" and stuff like that. I can't. seriously CANNOT. After giving a lot of chances to a lot of guys.

THEN TODAY ( specifically Yesterday 29/Feb/2020)
I officially announced that I am fully, 1000000% close my heart, re-build the HIGHEST WALL and become THE HIGHEST THE TALLEST THE whatsoever WALL between me and ANY GUY.

These thing is due to the same situation that happened to me few years back that I'm wrote to you guys just now * because the same thing happened to me YESTERDAY. I won't forget this worst moment EVER! 

p/s : to the guys who ruining my relationship with other gender(MALE), I congratulate you with honor that you get all of my worst-est respect. Thank you. 

Sincerely, your anti-guy;

Farisha Nerina Bt Sahar.